I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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