just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
