dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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