I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
