I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
