What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
