Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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