okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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