The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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