You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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