The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You dont lie about slip and slides
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
