guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
