im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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