We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
