Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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