I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That's intense
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
