I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
