is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
