i think i have herpe
just one?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
