So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
