He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
