He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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