the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
