Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
