According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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