AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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