need another drink. this is the easiest way
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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