I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
