the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
