the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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