One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
