he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize