I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're too hungover to prance.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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