i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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