ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can't put those talents on a resume
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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