we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
