i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
