Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
