when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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