i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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