I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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