Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize