4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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