I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
