Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
