i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
