shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
