I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
