is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize