Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
