stop calling my apartment porn island.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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