forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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