I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
