Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
