Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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