where am i from again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want to be your penis for a week.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
