Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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