I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
