my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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