I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize