Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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