There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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