Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
