my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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