remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize