If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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