he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
