After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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