I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize