grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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