nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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