And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
