just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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