If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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