So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
