ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
