I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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