Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
